That's Definitely True! It Was Before My Father Died, So I Can't Attribute It To An Obsession With Death. When I Was Seven, I Loved Those Old Sherlock Holmes Movies With Basil Rathbone. The Scarlet Claw Was One Of My Faves. And I Loved All The Halloween's And That Film About The Haunted House... Burnt Offerings, With Oliver Reed. Every Birthday Party Was A Slumber Party And We'd Watch Horror Films.
If You Are An Adult, And You Are Planning To Dress Up On Halloween... Don't. I Will Find You. I Will Hurt You.
The Worst Thing About Halloween Is, Of Course, Candy Corn. It's Unbelievable To Me. Candy Corn Is The Only Candy In The History Of America That's Never Been Advertised. And There's A Reason. All Of The Candy Corn That Was Ever Made Was Made In 1911. And So, Since Nobody Eats That Stuff, Every Year There's A Ton Of It Left Over.
I Am Clearly More Popular Than Reagan. I Am In My Third Term. Where's Reagan? Gone After Two! Defeated By George Bush And Michael Dukakis No Less.
You Kids Have Fun, And Be Home By Thanksgiving!" Our Parents Would Call To Us On Halloween Night, As We Staggered Out The Front Door, Weighed Down By Hundreds Of Pounds Of Concealed Vandalism Supplies, Including Enough Raw Eggs To Feed Somalia For Decades. By Morning, Thanks To Our Efforts, The Entire Neighborhood Would Be Covered With A Layer Of Congealed Shaving Cream And Toilet Paper That, Around Certain Unpopular Neighbors' Homes, Was Hundreds Of Feet Thick. This Is How The Appalachian Mountains Were Formed.
I Love Halloween. It Reminds Me Of My Happy Childhood Days As A Student At Wampus Elementary School In Armonk, N.y., When We Youngsters Used To Celebrate Halloween By Making Decorations Out Of Construction Paper And That White Paste That You Could Eat.
So When I Open The Door On Halloween, I Am Confronted By Three Or Four Imaginary Heroes, Such As G.i. Joe, Conan The Barbarian And Oliver North, Who Would Look Very Terrifying Except That They Are Three Feet Tall And Facing In Random Directions. They Stand There Silently For Several Seconds Before An Adult Voice Hisses From The Darkness Behind Them: "say 'trick Or Treat!
A House Is Never Still In Darkness To Those Who Listen Intently; There Is A Whispering In Distant Chambers, An Unearthly Hand Presses The Snib Of The Window, The Latch Rises. Ghosts Were Created When The First Man Awoke In The Night.
